Loss

Death is not an easy thing to come to terms with, but it's reality. As you grow older more people die. It sucks, plain and simple. This past year and half has not been an easy one. It started with a close friend of Colby losing his wife, then I lost a member of our bowling team, then I lost my grandma and Colby lost his grandma, then I lost another member of my bowling team, and now I have lost my aunt. It has been a lot. I've been to more memorials and funerals in the past year and a half that in the first 34 years of my existence. I'm not one to talk about it much, I normally just keep it inside, it's my Mo. This blog has been a bit therapeutic for me. I get to say what's on my mind, through my words.

My aunt's death was not much of a shock, she has been battling cancer for a while now, and seeing her struggle was hard to swallow. In the back of our minds we all knew it was coming. What has been shocking is seeing one of my dad's siblings gone, knowing that my cousins are going to have to bury one of their parents. Watching my grandma have to say good-bye to one of her children, knowing that she should have gone first, and not her first born. It's sad, really. No other words can describe the feeling, I'm just sad.

Tears start forming when you think of it all. And then, you are in the car with your 5 year old. Driving along, she's quiet. She's looking out the window, then we start talking about her going to ballet class. More quiet. I have not told her yet that Aunt Roxanne has died. It hadn't come up in conversation with her alone yet, so I wasn't going to worry her. She had, however, been around us grown-ups talking about it. Then, out of the blue, she asks if Aunt Roxanne died. I tell her yes. Not much gets by her. She asks why I hadn't told her. I really had no answer, other than, it hadn't come up yet. She was okay with that. More quiet. Then she says, the most healing words of all. "Well, Mommy. Aunt Roxanne is in heaven, now, with God." I tell her yes. And that was the end of the conversation.

Words of healing from a 5 year old. The only words that will really help you get through the death of a loved one, knowing they are in heaven with God.

I took this picture off of my cousin's facebook page. I'd never seen it before, but it is how I will always remember my Aunt Roxanne. Beautiful, vibrant and full of life. We will miss you dearly.